So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
