Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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