I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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