The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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