"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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