If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
