I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
