Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
