Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I will die if light touches me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
