Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
