I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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