I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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