Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
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The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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