I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
