margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
