even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
