who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
