Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
