He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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