You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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