That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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