Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
