She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
