Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
