Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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