I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
