Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
