I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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