smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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