Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
