the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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