He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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