I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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