We're like a lot better than the average bears
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
