i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize