moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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