He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
soo... how was my night?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize