It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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