someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I AM VODKA MAN
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
