2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i don't like sucking hair
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
