She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
