That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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