Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize