OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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