They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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