Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
