I'm eating all of the evidence.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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