Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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