yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
