Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
