I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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