After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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