Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
