Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
