I'm going to jail i love you
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
