were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
