Pappa wants mamma naked
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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