On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
honey bunches of taint.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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