If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
