We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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