well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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