my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
