I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
