I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
