no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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