just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
