im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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