I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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