Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
